Many people believe that football originated
in Britain in the late 1800s, and that headers n volleys was a game that derived from it many years later. Well those people
are wrong and clearly not right in the head, actually they are half right because football was invented in the late 1800s,
but headers n volleys was born before, long before, long long long before.
It all began in the Middle Ages in England
with King Henry 8th in 1503, who at 12 years old discovered that when pigs bladder was bound tightly with string it made
an ideal ball with which to kick with the foot (football), and to prevent the blood from splatting against his royal headwear
the young prince would remove his crown. For goals he would use 2 royal robes spaced exactly 7 yards apart, the unfortunate
goalkeeper in those days would be a servant or maid and if they were unlucky enough to accidently save a shot then his
princeship would order their heads to be chopped off!
As with todays modern version the idea is
to score into the goal by means of a header or volley without the ball touching the ground before you make contact with it.
As the years went by and his confidence grew, King Henry challenged anyone in the land to play against him and his team of overpaid
superstars to a game of headers n volleys (Roman Abramovich had nothing on old Henry)! But of course nobody would play against
him for fear of losing a limb or even being fed to the lions (OUCH). So Henry and his pals played amongst themselves long
into the night with the moon as their floodlights and robes for goalposts. As punishment whoever performed the worst (never
Henry), would be made to sit on a wall (he was called a sitter), and have the ball blasted at them from close range, hence
the term "he missed a sitter" a phrase commonly used in todays sport by many a comentator.
The years went further by and King
Henry became a husband, he found himself losing contact with his old superstar headers n volley pals, they all got sponsorship
deals and went on to play in leagues around the land and exhibition matches with crowds, prize money the lot!
When eventually King Henry got bored of
not being able to play his favourite game he trained his wife to play in goal, but unfortunately found he had nobody
to chip or cross the ball to him, so he married another wife. It turned out that she was unable to keep up with his demands
of headers n volleys in the courtyard so he married another wife, then another, then another, until finally King Henry had
6 wives! One for each day of the week (he never played on Sundays due to his religious side, something the FA took no notice
of when they arranged Premiership fixtures on a Sunday just so that clubs could get more money out of Sky Sports).
However all good things must come to an
end and with some wives squabling over who should chip the pigs bladder up for King Henry and the other wives moaning
about how he was only interested in one thing, Henry decided that he only needed a keeper and a server for his hobby and killed
4 wives...................... THE END
CAUTION: ALL OF THE ABOVE INFORMATION MAY NOT BE 100% FACTUAL
